Love… Maybe?

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During class one week we needed to create a “Tension” piece. I hate to admit this but this is the first post where I have worked on it for more than one sitting. Everything else I’ve published has really had no thought behind whatever environment I was in at the time. Please let me know what you think in the comment box below, as feedback is always appreciated. Thank you!

I hear the keys jingle as he floats towards the door for the third time this week.

“Have fun,” barely escapes through my clenched jaw. My eyes were almost shut, not interested in making eye contact with him.

“Thanks babe. I won’t be gone too long,” bounces back from behind Carter’s full pink lips exposing his naturally beautiful teeth. He was wearing the denim button up that I just bought for his birthday. It fit him all too well. His camouflage pants are pressed and he has on my favorite red Nikes. I can smell him from our loveless loveseat, Gorgio Armani: Acqua Di Gio. My eyes widen as fast as they return to a nothing but sliver.

“Yeah, sure.”

“You alright?”, he asks while arching his left eyebrow. Standing underneath the kitchen lights, glowing, looking too delicious to be leaving me for his boys. The left part in his bright, tamed, red hair demanding my attention begging that I move them all out of place. His beard is getting long. He could go for a clean-up, but he knows I like when it’s a little rough. There is nothing to fix. Nothing in need of my readjusting. Nothing in need of my touch.

“Mhmmm,” triggers my eyes to roll on command, but they shoot back to him. Standing at 6’2”, it still takes me a while to look him head to toe. If you make it past his eyelashes that create tsunami’s in Hawaii every time he blinks, you can’t disconnect from his bright-green and hazel eyes if you wanted to… You wouldn’t know how toned yet pale his arms are. Or how long the scar is down the center of his chest. Or how his heart makes a tinking sound when it beats. Or about the tucked away tattoo’s that whisper about his life.  Although, I was beginning not to remember any of that myself.

“Ok, what’s that supposed to mean?” strolling in the living room with his head cocked to the side. Finally within my reach as he sits on the arm rest. His cologne says “tackle me”, my ego says “no”, my heart is sad, and my body pissed.

“It means enjoy yourself.”

“You know what I mean smart ass!”. His words and jawline rush past the thick of his beard. My heart is attempting to leap from my chest to his. He continues, “If we’re not doing nothing,” he starts while putting up one finger, “And the guys want to hang,” bringing up finger number two, “What’s the problem?” he quizzes, leaning towards me with both of his palms raised awaiting my answer.

“I miss you.”

“I see you every day, babe.”

“No, I miss you.”

“You could always just come out. You know that.”

“I don’t miss Jason and Donté and DJ and whoever the fuck else. Just you.”

“You been acting weird all day. I really don’t know what you’re really tryna say.”

“But you’re still leaving…”

“I wouldn’t cancel on you, so why would I cancel on my boys?”

“I’m not ya damn boy! I AM YOUR FIANCÉ! I deserve to spend way more time with you! When was the last time we went on a walk? To a movie? I’m not talking about no double-date shit with AJ and his current fling. How about just staying in? We used to cook together every Sunday, watch a movie with a 12-pack and smoke a joint. Do you remember that?”

“Look, Keyana. You should’ve said all of this earlier. Not as I’m half way out the door. I hate when you bottle shit up and then explode on me. How many times have I asked you to talk to me? You must think I’m some kind of mind reader.”

“You’re never h—“

“Did I interrupt you??”

“Carter! I’m lonely!” Just like that, without so much as a kiss, or an I love you, the front door closes behind him.

New Text from Hubby: We can talk when I get home.

Reply: Sure.

Outgoing Text: Hey, you up?

Incoming: Never sleeping on you

Outgoing: Pick me up?

Incoming: On my way


Worldly Introductions

The most strenuous challenge is demonstrating to yourself that you are who you say you are, on a ceaseless 24-hour cycle until the clock swiftly stops.

Every day presents itself with obstacles that may pull the body so tautly in conflicting directions that one would think they were in arrangement to be quartered by horses.

Yet, with keeping optimum overriding objectives in close outlook, jailbreaking jurisdictional rules that govern your personal everyday life, challenges that are called “the mold” or “the box”.

You just figure out what path to take while you stretch everyday slowly, as you prepare for the race and you learn yourself within this time. Even if there is a blueprint, read it for knowledge but you don’t have to mind it for that print was written for and by someone else. You inhale a series of compiled deductive reasoning as you prepare you body, mind, soul, and you exhale the final product as you run like shit.

Then the sun falls as the moon rises, you lay to yourself and think about what you did wrong, and what you did right. You figure that it’s worth it to get up and do it again. You look forward to the finish line, you know you will be sore, beat up and tired, but the finish line… You can’t wait to meet formally meet your self as you introduce yourself to the world as you have known for yourself to be since the beginning. You are who you said you were. Hello.

First Big Move

My heart was seconds away from beating out of my chest. I felt like a reality shifter when I thought I was beginning to experience what those actors portrayed, with those revolting baby aliens emerged from the bodies of its many victims. I was about to make a life changing decision which always seem to give me a bit of a shake, whether it be good or bad. If I decided to follow through with the decision I contemplated for 3 weeks if not more, then I would be directly affecting my livelihood. The longer I thought about it after already thinking about it, I grew more demented about the entire situation. I knew what I wanted to do, as I previously established that with myself some time ago. Still I just stood there in the hallway leading to the director’s office, giving myself more time to second guess everything. The power of the mind against ones self can be very manipulative and into any direction that it chooses.

I went into the office, asked if she had a minute as I closed the door without waiting for her response on current availability. “Today is going to be my last day”, I stated. After her suggesting I put in sick time for tomorrow and finish the rest of the week or even reconsider a two weeks notice, I stuck to my original plan. For a year I loved coming to work everyday, looking forward to every challenge, socializing with everyone in the office and doing a damn good job at my job. Within a month that shit all went down the drain, like power-flushed down the damn drain — I genuinely wanted out. When I left that day, I had no interest in returning as an employee or as a student for that matter. My bosses (not one, but two) were laid off, I had witnessed the staff come and go, and I felt no one except for a select few were trust-worthy. I had previously withdrawn from all my classes at this university because honestly, if I wasn’t there either I didn’t trust any of the work to get done on time, let alone properly. I went ahead & gathered my paperwork to submit to the college I was now going attend. If I’m allowed to be downright honest, earlier in the month I took my son’s pictures down, collected my hot sauces and other assortment of snacks and packed them into my car. At that point, I don’t think anything more could have been said to keep me there longer than I already forced myself to be.

As I left at 5pm that Tuesday evening, I very much looked forward to a couple of days off with no obligations from a boss who I didn’t feel was a leader necessarily. I intended to jump into job searching and looking for the next best opportunity for me and my family. Needless to say, the very next day I had the option of two different job offers and happily accepted one immediately. I figure its time to get some of this shit “en order” and take a just a little bit of control over my life. After all, I am an adult, right?