The most strenuous challenge is demonstrating to yourself that you are who you say you are, on a ceaseless 24-hour cycle until the clock swiftly stops.
Every day presents itself with obstacles that may pull the body so tautly in conflicting directions that one would think they were in arrangement to be quartered by horses.
Yet, with keeping optimum overriding objectives in close outlook, jailbreaking jurisdictional rules that govern your personal everyday life, challenges that are called “the mold” or “the box”.
You just figure out what path to take while you stretch everyday slowly, as you prepare for the race and you learn yourself within this time. Even if there is a blueprint, read it for knowledge but you don’t have to mind it for that print was written for and by someone else. You inhale a series of compiled deductive reasoning as you prepare you body, mind, soul, and you exhale the final product as you run like shit.
Then the sun falls as the moon rises, you lay to yourself and think about what you did wrong, and what you did right. You figure that it’s worth it to get up and do it again. You look forward to the finish line, you know you will be sore, beat up and tired, but the finish line… You can’t wait to meet formally meet your self as you introduce yourself to the world as you have known for yourself to be since the beginning. You are who you said you were. Hello.
My heart was seconds away from beating out of my chest. I felt like a reality shifter when I thought I was beginning to experience what those actors portrayed, with those revolting baby aliens emerged from the bodies of its many victims. I was about to make a life changing decision which always seem to give me a bit of a shake, whether it be good or bad. If I decided to follow through with the decision I contemplated for 3 weeks if not more, then I would be directly affecting my livelihood. The longer I thought about it after already thinking about it, I grew more demented about the entire situation. I knew what I wanted to do, as I previously established that with myself some time ago. Still I just stood there in the hallway leading to the director’s office, giving myself more time to second guess everything. The power of the mind against ones self can be very manipulative and into any direction that it chooses.
I went into the office, asked if she had a minute as I closed the door without waiting for her response on current availability. “Today is going to be my last day”, I stated. After her suggesting I put in sick time for tomorrow and finish the rest of the week or even reconsider a two weeks notice, I stuck to my original plan. For a year I loved coming to work everyday, looking forward to every challenge, socializing with everyone in the office and doing a damn good job at my job. Within a month that shit all went down the drain, like power-flushed down the damn drain — I genuinely wanted out. When I left that day, I had no interest in returning as an employee or as a student for that matter. My bosses (not one, but two) were laid off, I had witnessed the staff come and go, and I felt no one except for a select few were trust-worthy. I had previously withdrawn from all my classes at this university because honestly, if I wasn’t there either I didn’t trust any of the work to get done on time, let alone properly. I went ahead & gathered my paperwork to submit to the college I was now going attend. If I’m allowed to be downright honest, earlier in the month I took my son’s pictures down, collected my hot sauces and other assortment of snacks and packed them into my car. At that point, I don’t think anything more could have been said to keep me there longer than I already forced myself to be.
As I left at 5pm that Tuesday evening, I very much looked forward to a couple of days off with no obligations from a boss who I didn’t feel was a leader necessarily. I intended to jump into job searching and looking for the next best opportunity for me and my family. Needless to say, the very next day I had the option of two different job offers and happily accepted one immediately. I figure its time to get some of this shit “en order” and take a just a little bit of control over my life. After all, I am an adult, right?